Full and completely amazing report at The Smoking Gun:

Arrested Saturday on a drunk driving charge after he was found passed out at the wheel of his Porsche, a multimillionaire founder of the Crocs shoe empire told Colorado cops that his girlfriend, Taylor Swift, had actually been driving the vehicle, according to a police report.

But first, some selected Boedeckerisms:

He described his girlfriend as “batshit crazy.”

“I have 17 fucking homes.”

“I’m not doing your fucking maneuvers.”

“Go fuck yourselves in the ass.”

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