A few weeks ago, Drake released “Started from the Bottom,” a fire-starting and Internet-shattering single that featured the cold-hearted refrain, “No new niggas, nigga, we don’t feel that/Fuck a fake friend, where your real friends at?” The song was a monstrous hit simply because the world missed Drizzy so damn much, but then Aubrey fucked around and wore a custom “No New Friends” t-shirt at a club, and suddenly his agoraphobic lyric became the new YOLO for the deluded weirdos of the world who were convinced that someone (or everyone) was out to get them. Count among these antisocial psychotics DJ Khaled, the hilariously over-the-top radio DJ/producer/personality/curator of Bestness, who recently unveiled the title of his seventh album, Suffering from Success. The album name was apparently inspired by an emotional visit to the doctor’s office, during which Khaled’s sympathetic female dermatologist told him, “Son, you’re suffering from success.” Deep.
Ever the opportunist, DJ Khaled fed off the popularity of the “No New Friends” movement to announce that his album’s upcoming single was the kinda-sorta “Started from the Bottom” remix “No New Friends,” featuring Rick Ross, Lil Wayne, Future, and Young Jimmy Brooks himself. He followed up the announcement with a video, or a “movie,” as he calls it, which he released on Sunday as a teaser for the single and the album. After watching the video/“movie” for “No New Friends,” I came up with a fantasy (which I’m convinced is really close to the truth) of how this masterwork came about…