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Ha ha, Vice, you’re so (motherfucking) phearless! When not posting about how penises taste weird and the best ways to incorporate period blood into cocktails and why saying “blowjobs” like “blowjerbs” is OVAR, they’re usually taking a shit on something.

Today, Noisey editor Benjamin Shapiro took a big dump on Phish and Phish fans in a birthday post “celebrating” the band’s 30th birthday.

... a jam band is a group of smelly men who can’t write real songs. Phish, a four-person group now in it’s 30th year of giving bong boys a reason to get off the beanbag chair, is one of those bands.

On fans’ IM habits, because… ?

They’re also guilty of quoting Dr. Seuss in their AOL Instant Messenger profile (in a sea foam-green font color) and using Phish lyrics for both their email account name and email password.

And – this, from the same company that runs “We Did [Whatever]... on ACID!” pieces – going after the drug culture that surrounds the band:

Over three nights of Phish shows, police reportedly seized a load of drugs with a street value of over 1.2 million dollars… If Trey really wanted to help people with substance abuse problems he’d break up his shitty band.

Etc etc etc ad infinitum. So, naturally, Phish fans responded by laying their own tread on Shapiro, which Shapiro then gleefully repurposed into another post about fans’ reactions to his initial post, saying:

Now it’s 4PM, and a few things have happened that I’d like to share with you all, if for no other reason than to hold a mirror up to Phish fans and show the world what a bunch of total dicks these guys are.

It’s the ultimate case of the pot calling the pothead kettles dicks. Congratulations, Mr. Shapiro, you’re the worst thing on the Internet today!




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